Campaignery

As most individuals in Oregon know, tomorrow is election day.  Which is a great fucking relief for me.

Yes, I voted.  It may not mean much, but as I don't feel "driving a truck full of fertilizer into a public building" is a reasonable or responsible component of the democratic process, voting is the best way to try and get something to fucking happen in the government.  Besides, they typically don't listen to fertilizer truck guy, anyway.  Unless autopsies count as listening.  Which they don't.

(Fun fact: if that preposterous COICA were to pass, my shitty blog could be blacklisted at the whim of the Attorney General purely for showing the phrase "driving a truck full of fertilizer into a public building", regardless of context, and without any meaningful appeals process)

But whatever.  I think my main point was that I am relieved as hell that the election season is ending, regardless of the victors.  And that is because it will mean the cessation of god-damn stupid-ass BUTT-FUCKING COCK-SUCKING ASSHOLE CAMPAIGN ADS.  Even with the relatively small amount of television I actually watch live these days, I'm still constantly bombarded with shrieking harpies decrying the other guy with weasel-worded mudslinging.  Every single one just makes me want to not vote for whoever made the fucking ad in the first place, accomplishing the exact opposite of their stated goal.

I mean, I'm already biased against advertising in general.  At best it just feels cheap, waxy, plastic; at worst it is the grotesque, harlequin phallus of commercial enterprise violating whatever orifice it can slither into, via mind-boiling jingles, poor attempts at humor, irritating voices, and smug bullshit about how their product is superior to some other product which claims the exact same thing based on different but equally fucking arbitrary metrics.  But when politics gets involved, the already deformed and debased enterprise of advertising produces a bloated, autistic stepchild whose ham-fisted attempts at tricking you into siding with the ad's progenitor leave nothing but the taste of bile on your lips and fingernail marks on the inside of your palm.

I realize that with this passionately disdainful attitude I take towards advertising, it is utterly hypocritical of me to have advertising on this blog itself.  While these ads are at least subtle and ignorable (far better than the internet's earlier days, with monkey-punching, word-shouting banner ads.  Are those still around?  I have an ad-blocker, as I imagine everyone with any know-how does, so I rarely see such things) it is still a violation of my stated principles.  However, as much as I utterly loath advertising in practice, in principle it is a necessity.  Information is hardly going to arrive in a human skull on its own, is it?  I'll gladly play host to a few commensal Google Ads if we can shed the blatant, ugly parasitism of billboards, television commercials, radio advertising, etc.  Or at least try and keep it classy, for fuck's sake.

And these negative elements of advertising; the lies, the smears, the increased volume as a blatant attempt to catch your attention, the hired actors spewing mindless dialogue to convince you how much they love BLANK and you should to; these negatives are exemplified by the campaign ad system.  Either funneled through some third-party fly-by-night "Committee for the Safety of America" or similarly bullshit groups, or vehemently endorsed by the stumbly-mumbly candidate themselves, the ads are entirely focused on how the candidate/bankroller is better than his or her opponent in some cherry-picked situations, divorced of context.

The worst continually accused a candidate of being involved with a "fringe group" in some way.  It does not specify who this "fringe group" is.  It does not define "fringe group".  It merely hopes that you hear the word "fringe" and get frightened or angry, in the way that Taco Bell's terrible advertising hopes that the sight of low-grade meat and plastic cheese will entice you into their store despite the fact that the advertisement itself makes you want to shit an entire big moist motorcycle out of your abused rectum.  (Oh god, now I'm hungry for Taco Bell.  Oh god.  What is WRONG with me?)

I'm not sure I have more to say on this matter.  Hm.  Also I am out of shit-related imagery.  To summarize: goodbye forever, campaign ads.

Because they won't be coming back in a year.  That's just crazy.  Ha ha ha.